Well, the 12 days of Christmas in the Stockton home have been busy - going here, going there, having these people over, doing this and that. It's nice to have off from work, but we have truly filled our time. Silas has been doing great with his schedule, despite all the interruptions.
I'm not sure what I expected for Baby's First Christmas. I told Scott on Christmas morning, I thought it was going to be fuzzy and magical. Even I don't know what I meant by that. Sometimes my expectations are too high and I have lofty ideas of reality. Scott is used to that about me and is patient with me because usually I come crashing down with the bumps and bruises to show for it. The past few days I've been a ball of tears as reality has set in: toy recalls consume my daily thoughts, getting back to the gym has got to be my resolution, my baby is growing up, and when will we have more kids? Just as the craziness of the shopping season is over, my mind already wanders to more "important" things.
What happened to the simplicity of Christmas? I've been reflecting on the simple nature of that first Christmas night. Did it feel chaotic for Mary? I mean, as a mom, was she worried and stressed out becuase there was no room in the Inn? I can't help but wonder if her nerves were shot, if she was nagging Joseph for making that right turn instead of the left, being short with him as she progressed into "active labor" or as she scrounged to find a manger. I have to admit, when I think of the Christmas story, I think of the twinkling stars, a peacful night, set to some type of orchestral soundtrack and think Jesus must have come into this world (and family) in such a peaceful way.
Regardless of my own interpretations of the Christmas story, I've determined it's important to keep the simplistic MESSAGE of Christmas in my heart a little longer this year.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
work like it depends on you, pray like it depends on God
Today was a first for us at the Chapel at Elmwood. We had two gatherings for our Chrismtas Jingle Jam! It was exciting to see all the people who came out for this fun family production.
What they didn't see was all the work behind the scenes! Our staff leadership team has spent WEEKS preparing for this event in the life of our church! One of the volunteers was saying to me this morning, "I hope people actually show up today, for Brek's sake!" I said "Oh, really, why?" They said "Because [the pastor] will be disappointed!" I said "Well, I have been praying all morning that God brings exactly the right people he wants here at 9:00 am and the exact people he wants here at 10:00 am. We have to work and prepare like it depends on us and pray and trust God for the rest....that he will bring who he wants for such a time as this." Even as the words left my mouth, it was a great reminder to me that nothing we do is within our control. I went in to this morning knowing that the logistics and operations wouldn't be perfect, but I knew we had to be faithful to do our part in planning and preparing for this day. God is faithful and we had a record attendance with almost 500!
Now, I can relax. I am blessed to have this coming week off and our family Christmas events have already begun. As I reflect on today's worship gathering, I am finding peace in my heart and am enjoying the lights in our cozy home. Mmmm, the cookies baking give a nice aroma and I am ready to settle down "for a long winter's nap" or at least until the baby wakes up!
What they didn't see was all the work behind the scenes! Our staff leadership team has spent WEEKS preparing for this event in the life of our church! One of the volunteers was saying to me this morning, "I hope people actually show up today, for Brek's sake!" I said "Oh, really, why?" They said "Because [the pastor] will be disappointed!" I said "Well, I have been praying all morning that God brings exactly the right people he wants here at 9:00 am and the exact people he wants here at 10:00 am. We have to work and prepare like it depends on us and pray and trust God for the rest....that he will bring who he wants for such a time as this." Even as the words left my mouth, it was a great reminder to me that nothing we do is within our control. I went in to this morning knowing that the logistics and operations wouldn't be perfect, but I knew we had to be faithful to do our part in planning and preparing for this day. God is faithful and we had a record attendance with almost 500!
Now, I can relax. I am blessed to have this coming week off and our family Christmas events have already begun. As I reflect on today's worship gathering, I am finding peace in my heart and am enjoying the lights in our cozy home. Mmmm, the cookies baking give a nice aroma and I am ready to settle down "for a long winter's nap" or at least until the baby wakes up!
Friday, December 21, 2007
when mama is right
I pulled a Robin McGraw. Twice. Once for Silas and once for me.
I remember her discussing her mother-like instict in her book, Inside My Heart. Early in their marriage, when money was tight, she knew she was right about a banking transaction issue and wouldn't take no for an answer. She gave another example of a time when her son was sick and she insisted on a certain medical protocol. When I read that part, I was proud of her for really sticking up for herself. When a mama is right, she is right!
When I picked up my Rx at the pharmacy today, the refill count was wrong. I'm glad I checked it over before I left. The bag said REF-7. I questioned the technician and she looked the info up in the computer. She said "yep, seven." I aboslutely KNEW there should be eleven refills. The whole point of going for your yearly exam is to only go yearly. My Rx today + 11 refills = 1 year's worth of contraceptive. I didn't like the answer the lady gave me, or the fact that she didn't believe me, and so I questioned her further. I asked to see the actual script the dr wrote. The tech looked for it and then questioned the pharmacist. She came back to inform me that the pharmacist would just add on the extra four refills. I was not about to look like an idiot when I KNEW it had said eleven at the bottom! They were not being "generous" by adding four more refills. They overlooked something and I knew I was right! How did I know? When I read the script to myself earlier, I was surprised that it said the word eleven not the number 11. As a former English teacher, numbers under 10 are written out, so I thought it was interesting that she wrote eleven and didn't use 11. Anyways, they were a little exasperated behind the counter and the fact that I asked them to dig for that original script. The tech found it and gave it to me, saying simultaneously, yeah, it says, ELEVEN. I looked it over for my own satisfaction and pointed to the bottom, "yeah, e-l-e-v-en. She wrote eleven." That felt good.
Similarly, when Silas was sick after Thanksgiving, I knew he was sick with something major. So many uncharacteristic symptoms. I scheduled a rush apt at his drs office, but not with his usual dr. She came in with an agenda. He had reflux and gave us a Rx. She didn't listen to the symptoms, despite Scott explaining them to her several times. And, despite the extensive diagram, the science lesson and the lecture, which I quote, "babies can't talk and tell us what's wrong, so we have to be private investigators", I KNEW this was not reflux. I am glad I followed my motherly instincts this time as well. After 10 days of torture for all three of us, I refused to see the previous dr and scheduled another apt with Silas' dr only to find out he had a sinus infection.
I am so glad I didn't take no for an answer in both situations. I think it is important to stand up for what you believe to be true. I am understanding that even more now that I have a child. When mama is right, mama is right. Case and point. I only wish I would have believed this truth when I was 16.
I remember her discussing her mother-like instict in her book, Inside My Heart. Early in their marriage, when money was tight, she knew she was right about a banking transaction issue and wouldn't take no for an answer. She gave another example of a time when her son was sick and she insisted on a certain medical protocol. When I read that part, I was proud of her for really sticking up for herself. When a mama is right, she is right!
When I picked up my Rx at the pharmacy today, the refill count was wrong. I'm glad I checked it over before I left. The bag said REF-7. I questioned the technician and she looked the info up in the computer. She said "yep, seven." I aboslutely KNEW there should be eleven refills. The whole point of going for your yearly exam is to only go yearly. My Rx today + 11 refills = 1 year's worth of contraceptive. I didn't like the answer the lady gave me, or the fact that she didn't believe me, and so I questioned her further. I asked to see the actual script the dr wrote. The tech looked for it and then questioned the pharmacist. She came back to inform me that the pharmacist would just add on the extra four refills. I was not about to look like an idiot when I KNEW it had said eleven at the bottom! They were not being "generous" by adding four more refills. They overlooked something and I knew I was right! How did I know? When I read the script to myself earlier, I was surprised that it said the word eleven not the number 11. As a former English teacher, numbers under 10 are written out, so I thought it was interesting that she wrote eleven and didn't use 11. Anyways, they were a little exasperated behind the counter and the fact that I asked them to dig for that original script. The tech found it and gave it to me, saying simultaneously, yeah, it says, ELEVEN. I looked it over for my own satisfaction and pointed to the bottom, "yeah, e-l-e-v-en. She wrote eleven." That felt good.
Similarly, when Silas was sick after Thanksgiving, I knew he was sick with something major. So many uncharacteristic symptoms. I scheduled a rush apt at his drs office, but not with his usual dr. She came in with an agenda. He had reflux and gave us a Rx. She didn't listen to the symptoms, despite Scott explaining them to her several times. And, despite the extensive diagram, the science lesson and the lecture, which I quote, "babies can't talk and tell us what's wrong, so we have to be private investigators", I KNEW this was not reflux. I am glad I followed my motherly instincts this time as well. After 10 days of torture for all three of us, I refused to see the previous dr and scheduled another apt with Silas' dr only to find out he had a sinus infection.
I am so glad I didn't take no for an answer in both situations. I think it is important to stand up for what you believe to be true. I am understanding that even more now that I have a child. When mama is right, mama is right. Case and point. I only wish I would have believed this truth when I was 16.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
8 years
Yesterday we celebrated our eight year wedding anniversary. We married on the day we met: December 18. Nostalgic, right? I am so thankful to God for his faithfulness to us and our marriage, our family. We celebrated by first getting a babysitter - Mimi. Thank the Lord they are still in the area! It is a huge blessing to have my mom's help! She kept Silas while we were both at work and then into the night. When I got home, Scott had some beautiful red roses for me! (Turns out expensive ones, at that - if you add in the parking ticket he got while he was at the store downtown!) Next we headed to one of my new favorite restaurants, BRAVO! It has great Italian food! It's such a nice, calming environment. And, hey, I'm a sucker for anything with Neoclassical influences. It was a great night together, to just have time alone. I have to admit, though, it was nice to have Silas back in my arms at the end of the night!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
pay attention; keep in step
Being on staff at our church has huge benefits - I get to be encouraged daily by a staff who loves God and loves others. Over the past couple of months at staff meeting, our pastor has been challenging our leadership team to pay attention to God and keep in step with him and what he is doing.
Can I just brag on God for a minute? He has impecable timing! We partner with various ministries in the city of Buffalo and this past Monday night we joined a ministry who was passing out boxes of love for Christmas. They provide 3,000 families with a complete Christmas dinner as well as a gift for each child in the family. We had a great time wrapping presents and delivering boxes. Well, yesterday a family contacted me about receiving a box and I didn't know how to respond since it wasn't something our church was directly "spearheading" and the overall ministry that we helped wasn't taking applications any longer. I called the ministry leader to get some advice and as SOON as I hung up the phone with him, the phone rang in my office. It was someone from our church who couldn't make it Monday night. They had really been looking forward to Monday night and were so disappointed they couldn't help. I said, "let me throw something out there..." and told them the story of this family in need. Can I just tell you, they are so excited to help! They recognized right away, that this was a God-thing...them calling...us already identifying a need. It really increased my faith because to be honest, I hadn't even prayed about the situation or what God would have me or our church do. It just goes to show you how God knows our need even before we talk to him about it....and sometimes solves it before we can ask! Talk about more than we could ask or imagine...!!!
Can I just brag on God for a minute? He has impecable timing! We partner with various ministries in the city of Buffalo and this past Monday night we joined a ministry who was passing out boxes of love for Christmas. They provide 3,000 families with a complete Christmas dinner as well as a gift for each child in the family. We had a great time wrapping presents and delivering boxes. Well, yesterday a family contacted me about receiving a box and I didn't know how to respond since it wasn't something our church was directly "spearheading" and the overall ministry that we helped wasn't taking applications any longer. I called the ministry leader to get some advice and as SOON as I hung up the phone with him, the phone rang in my office. It was someone from our church who couldn't make it Monday night. They had really been looking forward to Monday night and were so disappointed they couldn't help. I said, "let me throw something out there..." and told them the story of this family in need. Can I just tell you, they are so excited to help! They recognized right away, that this was a God-thing...them calling...us already identifying a need. It really increased my faith because to be honest, I hadn't even prayed about the situation or what God would have me or our church do. It just goes to show you how God knows our need even before we talk to him about it....and sometimes solves it before we can ask! Talk about more than we could ask or imagine...!!!
Monday, December 17, 2007
overhaul
Wow, am I exhausted. I haven't been this tired since Silas was a month old! I am excited to share that we are due to close on our house December 31. We really love where we are - great location, small house, pool. We really have all we could ask for in this home. We have three bedrooms, but it's small house, which I love because I don't have to keep up with cleaning a big house and working and caring for an infant. I love our backyard and pool. It's like "Survivor" every night during the summer! I can't wait for Silas to be swimming in it next year!
The appraiser is coming! The appraiser is coming! We have been fortunate to have updated the kitchen and renovated the bathroom right before Silas was born and now there were other things to clean and get done so the whole house would be in order and look the best possible. We decided to do a major overhaul in preparation for the appraiser. I mean, I even got out the pledge!! There have been many things that we (ahem, "I") have fallen behind on and many things to get organized...finally! Yesterday we spent our Sunday afternoon smack in the middle of an overhaul. As I worked, I couldn't help but think how this was affecting my soul. I am in need of an overhaul there as well and I tried to make that known to God as I progressed throughout the day and into the wee hours of the night, letting him know he had permission to work within me...that I can't do it on my own and anything that needs changing, I need help with.
I kept looking out the window as the snow heavily came down, covering our pool, making it level with the deck. I'm sure Silas will have tons of fun in our pool next year and for many years to come! I can't wait to see how different I look in the next year!
The appraiser is coming! The appraiser is coming! We have been fortunate to have updated the kitchen and renovated the bathroom right before Silas was born and now there were other things to clean and get done so the whole house would be in order and look the best possible. We decided to do a major overhaul in preparation for the appraiser. I mean, I even got out the pledge!! There have been many things that we (ahem, "I") have fallen behind on and many things to get organized...finally! Yesterday we spent our Sunday afternoon smack in the middle of an overhaul. As I worked, I couldn't help but think how this was affecting my soul. I am in need of an overhaul there as well and I tried to make that known to God as I progressed throughout the day and into the wee hours of the night, letting him know he had permission to work within me...that I can't do it on my own and anything that needs changing, I need help with.
I kept looking out the window as the snow heavily came down, covering our pool, making it level with the deck. I'm sure Silas will have tons of fun in our pool next year and for many years to come! I can't wait to see how different I look in the next year!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
storm preparation
A major storm sweeping the entire northeast is quickly approaching...quickly. It is supposed to start snowing heavily tonight at 10:00 pm and last until 7:00 am Monday morning, complete with thunder snow or thunder storm. All day I have been busy planning and preparing for this storm, buying canned goods, stockpiling food. I've been to Walmart twice. They recognize me there now. Flights are cancelled at the airport. Churches are closing in preparation for tomorrow and the news is conducting a special broadcast tomorrow morning just to keep everyone updated. I even have the rest of our 200 Christmas cards to work on, should we be stuck inside.
I can't help but think about other preparations I should be making in my life. Preparation for a good home life for my son...a place where he can grow and flourish. Preparation for (intentionally) fostering growth in our marriage. Preparation for my heart to listen to God's voice.
I don't want to get to the end of my life and have prepared for nothing! Or, have prepared for the wrong thing! Today my prayer is that God would help me stay focused so that I do not prepare in vain.
At least with this storm, I purchased all non-perishable items we would eat regardless of an emergency and I know they won't go to waste!
I can't help but think about other preparations I should be making in my life. Preparation for a good home life for my son...a place where he can grow and flourish. Preparation for (intentionally) fostering growth in our marriage. Preparation for my heart to listen to God's voice.
I don't want to get to the end of my life and have prepared for nothing! Or, have prepared for the wrong thing! Today my prayer is that God would help me stay focused so that I do not prepare in vain.
At least with this storm, I purchased all non-perishable items we would eat regardless of an emergency and I know they won't go to waste!
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